Without understanding this greatness ,
today's marriages are merely meant to satisfy each other's sexual greed,
material greed, and social status and to avoid one's personal boredom in
life.
It is a sorry state to see, that marriages
are not strong because the couples involved into this sacred relation does
not understand why this ritual of life is done. As we have discussed that many rituals are
done without knowing the very purpose of it and then it becomes a failure.
Marriages are also like that and without that understanding it also ends in failure.

The traditional Vedic
marriage steps. Details are given in this link
about
"Vedic
Wedding". Here we describe the significance of
the rituals.
Why is Agni or Fire
is Sacred?
Among the five
Pancha Bhootas,
all the elements are purifying by
nature. But Agni or Fire is exceptional, because all the elements can be
polluted but not fire. This means, water can purify but it can inturn be
polluted , same with air and earth, but fire alone cannot be polluted. This
is why Agni is considered the most sacred. In all Vedic ceremonies fire is
used and especially in Marriage rituals.
Fire is the symbol of Knowledge. Circambulating Fire or Agni during marriage
is to symbolically depict that married life should be a joined event to keep
main focus on knowledge. In the
"four stages "
of life we discussed that in Youth we grow and mature our body. In married
life, the next stage we have to have growth and Emotional maturity.
Emotional maturity can happen only through understanding or knowledge. This
is the reason why the couples circle the Agni during the marriage
ritual. The couple walk together seven steps (Saptha padhi)
around the fire. The Vedic texts says if you walk with a stranger minimum
seven steps you become friends. So the Husband and Wife become friends by
walking seven steps together.
Why ring worn in ring finger?
In the end of the page we have explained about
Chin Mudra ,
where the ring finger represents the mind. Marriage is the joining of two
minds and so symbolized by ringing the minds. At the End of marriage,
the Bridge groom applies thilak to the Bride only using the thumb , because
thumb represents "Brahman" the Consciousness. Usually we do not apply tilak
to us or others through the fore-finger because it represent "I"-ness or
Ego. We use the ring finger as as a symbol of emotional love.
Why Sacred Thread and Toe ring?
Mâangalyam tantunânena mama jîvanahetunâ |
kantheh badhnami subhage! sañjîva śaradah śatam ||
This is a sacred thread. This is essential for my long life. I tie this
around your neck, O maiden having many auspicious attributes! May you live
happily for a hundred years (with me).
Thread is to tie or to restraint , here the restraint is for
the wandering mind. Through this the wife commits to the husband that she
will focus her mind and body energy for the goal of God Realization, through
the marriage life. The
husband wears a toe-ring as his part of commitment to the wife. He also
commits that his mind will be in the ring of married life and through that
he goes steadfast in his goal to the higher Self along with her.
Arranged marriage VS choosing one's own Partner: In both
these marriages two people are strangers and irrespective of knowing
each other before or after the ritual is going to be the same. One
difference lies in the psychological preparedness of the mind. In the
arranged marriage when the parent chooses, both the couple minds are
prepared that there is least chance of commonness in both the individuals.
So when they start to live together, if they find anything of common
interest, they start to nurture the relationship through that weak bond and
in the long run strengthen it. If they accept each other difference of
opinions and expects anything in return and shows unconditional love, it
becomes blissful eternal friendship.
Whereas in the case of the couples who chose to live
together, the mind only expects that things will be common in every aspect.
When they find one disharmony they start to blame each other saying , I did
not know you are like this. Thus they cling on to this weakness and start to
fight and weaken their strong marriage bond. The strong expectations are the
real cause of marriage failures instead of acceptance.
Which is best arranged marriage or Choosing one's own
partner: We are not discussing here which is the best
one. The point we are driving is that in a marriage, the key point is to
give importance to intelligence more than the emotions, especially when
difference of opinion occurs. Sit and discuss , not emotionally but through
intelligence. But if this has to happen, first acceptance should be from
both the partners or at least initially from one of the two followed by both
of them. Only when the mind accepts, the emotional Ego becomes less
powerful and then gives way to intellect to do the job. Only only constantly
giving more importance to intelligence , there will be the dawn of
Awareness.
Vedic culture is only focused on improving the awareness of
Human being. Ego prevents awareness.
In Vedic tradition, this transcendence
of Ego to the higher state of Mental growth is achieved through marriage.
"Ego" does not like sacrifice and sharing. Sacrifice and sharing is
exercised in marital relationship. Compromises will not help only
accommodation will help. One has to accommodate the other, and be ready to
show unconditional Love to the other. Overtime this blossoms into a healthy
Journey of Love. The deep meaningful Vedic marriage
rituals symbolizes and emphasize this aspect.