Marriage Ritual     

It is a sorry state to see, that marriages are not strong because the couples involved into this sacred relation does not understand why this ritual of life is done. As we have discussed that many rituals are done without knowing the very purpose of it and then it becomes a failure. Marriages are also like that and without that understanding it also ends in failure.

The traditional Vedic marriage steps. Details are given in this link about  "Vedic Wedding". Here we describe the significance of the rituals.

 Why is Agni or Fire is Sacred?    Among the five Pancha Bhootas, all the elements are purifying by nature. But Agni or Fire is exceptional, because all the elements can be polluted but not fire. This means, water can purify but it can inturn be polluted , same with air and earth, but fire alone cannot be polluted. This is why Agni is considered the most sacred. In all Vedic ceremonies fire is used and especially in Marriage rituals.  

Fire is the symbol of Knowledge. Circambulating Fire or Agni during marriage is to symbolically depict that married life should be a joined event to keep main focus on knowledge. In the "four stages " of life we discussed that in Youth we grow and mature our body. In married life, the next stage we have to have growth and Emotional maturity. Emotional maturity can happen only through understanding or knowledge. This is the reason why the couples circle the Agni during the  marriage ritual.   The couple walk together  seven steps (Saptha padhi) around the fire. The Vedic texts says if you walk with a stranger minimum seven steps you become friends. So the Husband and Wife become friends by walking seven steps together.

Why ring worn in ring finger?  In the end of the page we have explained about Chin Mudra , where the ring finger represents the mind. Marriage is the joining of two minds and  so symbolized by ringing the minds. At the End of marriage, the Bridge groom applies thilak to the Bride only using the thumb , because thumb represents "Brahman" the Consciousness. Usually we do not apply tilak to us or others through the fore-finger because it represent "I"-ness or Ego.  We use the ring finger as as a symbol of emotional love.

Why Sacred Thread and Toe ring?                                                                                                              

Mâangalyam tantunânena mama jîvanahetunâ |
kantheh badhnami subhage! sañjîva śaradah śatam  ||
This is a sacred thread. This is essential for my long life. I tie this around your neck, O maiden having many auspicious attributes! May you live happily for a hundred years (with me).
 

Thread is to tie or to restraint , here the restraint is for the wandering mind. Through this the wife commits to the husband that she will focus her mind and body energy for the goal of God Realization, through the marriage life. The husband wears a toe-ring as his part of commitment to the wife. He also commits that his mind will be in the ring of married life and through that he goes steadfast in his goal to the higher Self along with her.

Arranged marriage VS choosing one's own Partner: In both these marriages  two people are strangers and irrespective of knowing each other before or after the ritual is going to be the same. One difference lies in the psychological preparedness of the mind. In the arranged marriage when the parent chooses, both  the couple minds are prepared that there is least chance of commonness in both the individuals. So when they start to live together, if they find anything of common interest, they start to nurture the relationship through that weak bond and in the long run strengthen it. If they accept each other difference of opinions and expects anything in return and shows unconditional love, it becomes blissful eternal friendship.

Whereas in the case of the couples who chose to live together, the mind only expects that things will be common in every aspect. When they find one disharmony they start to blame each other saying , I did not know you are like this. Thus they cling on to this weakness and start to fight and weaken their strong marriage bond. The strong expectations are the real cause of marriage failures instead of acceptance.

Which is best arranged marriage or Choosing one's own partner: We are not discussing here which is the best one. The point we are driving is that in a marriage, the key point is to give importance to intelligence more than the emotions, especially when difference of opinion occurs. Sit and discuss , not emotionally but through intelligence. But if this has to happen, first acceptance should be from both the partners or at least initially from one of the two followed by both of them.  Only when the mind accepts, the emotional Ego becomes less powerful and then gives way to intellect to do the job. Only only constantly giving more importance to intelligence , there will be the dawn of Awareness.

Vedic culture is only focused on improving the awareness of Human being. Ego prevents awareness. In Vedic tradition, this transcendence of Ego to the higher state of Mental growth is achieved through marriage. "Ego" does not like sacrifice and sharing. Sacrifice and sharing is exercised in marital relationship. Compromises will not help only accommodation will help. One has to accommodate the other, and be ready to show unconditional Love to the other. Overtime this blossoms into a healthy Journey of Love. The deep meaningful Vedic marriage rituals symbolizes and  emphasize this aspect.

Marriage, a Journey to Eternal Love: When the couple one or both starts to show un-conditional love, Marriage then becomes a blissful experience (Romantic) at the body level, mind level and Intelligence level. This is not a fiction but a reality that can be lived and experienced. Once the couple experience this , the life becomes a life of Awareness, which is called divinity.