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Wedding Ritual
13.Vivāha -marriage. This
Sanskar
(Sanskaaram, Sanskaar) is the entry into the second
Ashram (Stages)
.
The first important day of our life is the birth day of our
Body. In this first stage of life,
the Brahmacharya,
we matured the physical body. Next the second
most
important day is the wedding day, the second stage of life to
mature our
Mind, the Graha Ashram. We
understand that the purpose of marriage is to mature the mind
by expanding our heart space to another person and share the
easy and hard lessons of
life.
Many weddings are done in presence of a huge gathering with all
rituals, while others are simple without any ritual involving only
the couple. However not all weddings are successful either because
the couple cannot cope up with each other or caused by the
interference of the in-laws.
 Does
these traditional wedding rituals are a waste of time and money and
do they still do good for modern
couples?
Ancient wise people understood that the laws that govern the cosmos
if reflected in our life will help us to
solve problems that one will encounter in a married life. The
Vedic system recognizes that in Cosmos, the Energy undergoes change
within itself during the creation of the suns, planets and life on
Earth. This aspect in seen in the Female body referring her to
Sakthi. The Male is the unchanging phenomenon which initiate’s
creation but remain the same in all creation.
As is the gigantic Universe, so is our Human Body (Yatha Pindae
Thathae Brahmandae): In the Indian tradition,
through the wedding rituals, the couple for the first time
experience invoking the
divinity as God and Goddess. To invoke divinity within us means, to
identify (realize) the Cosmic principle of changing Sakthi and
unchanging Shiva within us. The bride and the groom are also seen as
Lord Vishnu and Lakshmi. Lakshmi and Vishnu represent the
changing wealth Energy and the unchanging Intelligential
factor both in the
cosmos and also within ourselves.
Married life is a journey to self realize that our real
nature is not the mortal body but an miniature of the infinite
Cosmic Energy. In the wedding, this ancient Indian Scientific
concept is hammered through rituals.
The father or the brother of bride, washes the groom’s
feet to acknowledge the Cosmic “Maleness” within him.
 After Vaak Daanam
(commitment through word) between the elders to guide the couples
for a successful married life. The younger generation also honors
the experiential marital
wisdom of the elders by giving the elders to lead the wedding
process.
We seek the blessings of our parents and you elders by touching the
feet, symbolizing the fact that we want to follow their foot steps of
a successful journey together.
Kanya Daanam is
done, where the father places the bride’s hand on the groom hand as
an act of seeking the commitment to reflect Cosmic order (Dharma) in
the married life. Problems in
married life is due to lack of understanding and incorporating the
Cosmic pattern in our life.
A ritualistic Mangala Snaanam
or sacred bath with turmeric and sandal wood paste symbolizing
purification of thoughts , which means to give up all our
pre-conceived notions of our individuality and learn to accommodate
another person’s view into
our life. Symbolizing this the bride and groom wear new wedding
clothes.
Maangalya
dhaaranam is tying
the Mangala Sutram around the neck of the bride by the groom. Sutra
means “Truth” and Mangala means promising success. So
Mangala-Sutram or Thaali is an assurance given that the
married life promises success in knowing the Truth of life.
The
thread means to focus or tie
the mind onto the Truth.
Mâangalyam tantunânena mama jîvanahetunâ |
kantheh badhnami subhage! sañjîva śaradah śatam ||
This is a sacred thread. This is essential for my long life. I tie this
around your neck, O maiden having many auspicious attributes! May you live
happily for a hundred years (with me).
In
Paani grahanam ritual,
the groom lowers his right
palm and encloses it over the right hand of the bride. This again is
the trust of holding each other with unconditional love in a journey
onwards.
"Un-Conditional"
means love born out of
performing one’s duties more than the physical liking to the person.
In this regards it doesn’t matter, if the couple know each other
before marriage or is an arranged marriage. Strengthening
un-conditional love (duty bound love)
more than the business mode emotional expectation is the key
success to married life.
Sit and discuss, not emotionally to justify one acts and pinpoint or
blame others faults. But hold on to intelligence to be aware of your
duties of married life. The concept of acceptance, that is accepting
the other person as he or she is and helping that individual to rise
from the limitations is the foremost duty to be performed in
marriage life by both
the partners. Only when
the mind has to the attitude of acceptance, the emotional Ego
becomes less
powerful and then gives way to
intellect to strengthen the relationship. By constantly giving more
importance to intelligence (duties as a husband and wife), one
becomes aware of the Higher Cosmic Self.
Walking seven steps (Sapta padi)
psychologically gives a friendship feeling. Instead of being bosses,
both should be like friends, sharing the relationship with an open
heart. During this ritual, the groom walks with the bride holding
hands to the right side of
the sacred fire. Knowledge purifies like Fire and so Circambulating
fire
 symbolizes a
knowledge-centered and driven married life.
Both should be aware of the “Freedom” experienced in married
life. Freedom does not mean to do whatever to satisfy the emotional
urges of the individual but attain emotional independence. Emotional
catering and appreciating everytime would be a torture for the other
person, spoiling the relationship. Appreciation should be
natural and not a conditional requirement and should not be
a driving force to perform duties. If a couple achieve this
emotional independence and freedom, the unconditional Love
of
"Radha and Krishna"
blossoms.
Traditionally , stepping on a grinding stone, married men wear “Metti”
a metallic ring on the toe ring to remind him to walking undeviated
path in the married life. He takes the lead of being the model for
the family to follow. The
groom then points to the sky, the
unmoving (unchanging) reference Pole star, the destination of their
married life.
Graha Prevesam:
This ceremony relates to the journey of the wife and
husband to their “Home”. The
real home of
all of us is the very “Source” (Consciousness) , our real Self.
This Journey to the Source
is the very purpose of all of us and married life facilitates the
process. Both of them
enter the house with a lamp signifying knowledge to show the right
path.
Final marriage Ritual:
From the moment of marriage, both Husband and Wife should live as
God and Goddess (Cosmic order). The last ritual is in the private
moment of first night. The Husband should prostrate at the feet of
Wife to shed his Ego and surrender to the goal of attaining
unconditional happiness or bliss with her. The wife
 also
should do the
same ritualistic prostration to the Husband's feet with the
same understanding. This is
the ideal way to start the married life.
Marital Love-making and Love:
Sexual act in non-marital relations is only for pleasure seeking
at the body level. Here there is no place for emotional mind, hence
it is prostitutional . In the next level of emotional love
making, it is an expression of love. Then couple make sex not for
body pleasure or to show emotion but to bear a child. this sex is at
the logic or intelligence level. The fourth state is the sexual act
for transcending to the Awareness state. This is the essence of
"Kama-Shastra"
.
Vaana-Prastham:
Most important is to transit from the
Second stage of life to the third stage of Vaana-Prastha.
This is the stage of implementing the knowledge without being
emotionally attached like a Professional doctor or judge. In
Vaanaprastham, parents should give incharge
to the newly married couple
and stay in the background to share and guide through their wisdom
and not emotionally attached to the mistakes the younger generation
makes in the maturing process. Modern days there is so much of
friction between the parents and younger generation
because the parents do not
proceed from the Graha Ashram to Vanaprastham.
If not they will remain
unripe sour fruits finding way to old-age homes. Younger generation
also should self-correct the ignorant mistakes made by elders.
Why ring worn in ring finger?
Earlier, we have explained about Chin Mudra ,
where the ring finger represents the mind. Marriage is the joining of two
minds and so symbolized by ringing the minds. At the End of marriage,
the Bridge groom applies thilak to the Bride only using the thumb , because
thumb represents "Brahman" the Consciousness. Usually we do not apply tilak
to us or others through the fore-finger because it represent "I"-ness or
Ego. We use the ring finger as as a symbol of emotional love.
Knowing the meaning as well as awareness of the wedding rituals,
will bring happiness in the married life.
We request you to spread this information by giving this as a
Thank-you token card by the couple to those who have attended the wedding.
We have given here a sample of such a card in this link, feel free
to use it acknowledging Sakthi foundation.
See here for other
language
Tamil Thank-you token card.
Other web sources of information on traditional
Vedic wedding" and a
shorter version describe the significance of
the rituals.
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